The rot in Indian media: My (terrible) experiences as a freelancer

Note: I have desisted from naming any individual or organisation in this post, not because I respect them or want their identity to be protected, but because as a freelancer I am a talentless coward with little options but to go back to those very people and organisations whom I’ve criticized in this post.

I quit my first job with a media organisation last year in October. I published my first article as a freelancer in December, and more than 10 since. My profile is quite diverse, both in terms of the topics I’ve written on and the outlets that have run my stories. My experiences below are based on only those outlets that I’ve published with as a freelancer.

Lay readers who suspect Indian media’s standards to be low are wrong - the standards are non-existent. As a freelancer, one can fabricate data, claims, and even quotes (this is most likely true for journalists employed by those organisations as well, but I can only speculate). In the most shocking incidence so far, a piece of mine carried several quotes which can easily be termed sensational, none of which was on record. I was worried about getting the piece past editors at any outlet because I did not have recordings to back up those quotes. To my utter disbelief, the outlet which finally published it did not bother to raise a single query about any of the quotes. “Jesus fuck” - the response of a senior journalist friend when I informed him about this - tells the tale succinctly. This essentially means that one can get away with concocting fake quotes attributed to fake identities. The only problem with that would be when an alert reader decides to do a background check on the fake identity. But you and I know that’s unlikely to happen. In any case, the media outlet won’t bother to play the role of the alert reader.

The problem with Indian media is not restricted to hopeless editorial standards. They’re downright unprofessional in the way they treat freelancers. Big outlets don’t ever bother to respond unless the author’s reputed, or has contacts high up. The smaller, new media ones do so with disdain. Repeated requests might just elicit a response if one’s lucky. If they agree to publish, they will almost always do it at times when the readership is at its lowest ebb - sunday afternoon, and 10 PM on a weekday. Some outlets have horrible social media strategy, they can’t even compose one proper tweet or Facebook update and post it at the right time. Some editors are so callous that they won’t even post a readymade tweet mailed to them by the author.

Going Buzzfeed-y and Scoopwhoop-y on Zakir Naik

It's ban season in India, again. After beef, books, movies, and alcohol, we're contemplating a ban on Zakir Naik, a Mumbai-based Islamic preacher who is barred from holding public lectures in UK, Canada, and even Malaysia, a predominantly Muslims country.

Naik came into the spotlight after some of the Dhaka restaurant attackers claimed they were inspired by his speeches. Naik runs a channel called Peace TV, which is nothing but a mouthpiece for Salafi/Wahabi ideology. He is deeply linked to the Arabic community, and has been awarded several prizes by Saudi. He frequently rubs shoulders with the likes of Shahrukh Khan, and several other bollywood idiots.

Despite all these issues, I really don't think he should be banned. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I'll let that do the talking first.

Skull cap with suit. Cho chweet, no?

And now for the words. Reasons why I think he shouldn't be banned:

1.   He is the clown we don’t deserve but direly need: Look at him. The dude is so stupid that he’s caricature-proof, and yet one can’t stop laughing looking at him or listening to his words. We need him to bring some mirth into our lives. I say we coronate him as the “National Clown of India”. I have a theory: Jyllands Posten made his cartoon, and not Prophet’s. Do compare the photos. I dare not put them here.

2.  It’s the people, stupid: Let’s not kid ourselves. If some 18+ year old dude believes the trash Naik dishes out, he is radicalized (and incredibly stupid) anyway, and is only looking for a final excuse to commit his deed. If his followers were remotely sane people they’d look for a second opinion. They don’t. It’s plain confirmation bias. Few would know that Anders Breivik, Norway's mass murderer, was deeply inspired by BJP and RSS. Should we ban both now? Blaming Naik for radicalizing people is akin to blaming McDonald’s for encouraging gluttony - fatties gonna hog anyway, McDonald’s just happens to be cheap and accessible.

3.  Nab the real culprits: I mean those dadhi-waala mullahs who radicalize young, impressionable minds. Naik is just the rubber stamp. Sure, if Naik is secretly peddling hate to kids, there is a case to chastise him as well, but I don’t see any such thing happening at his public lectures.

A Dark Take on Inequality

I have been hearing a lot about inequality lately. Everyone, and I mean literally everyone, has termed it greatest evil facing mankind. Really?

I say inequality is about as crucial to life as air to breathe and water to drink, but only when you’re on the right side of it. If you’re on the wrong side, you’re fucked. If everyone’s rich and educated, who’s gonna scrape the commode clean when I’m done taking a shit? If everyone goes to McDonald’s to place the order, who’s gonna deliver it to me? If everyone is Steve Jobs, who’s gonna die of heat and overwork at a Chinese factory while making one of his phones that I can use to retweet the news of that very death?

Human race needs inequality to progress. The poor are nothing but the modern euphemistic equivalent of slaves, whom we all must thank for enabling the super comfy world of today. Nothing has changed. Back then, there were chains to tie them up with, now there is hope. Hope that one day they will, too, be rich.  Hope is the opium of the poor. Hope is the dangerous cocktail and it comes packaged in the form of promise of education and equal opportunity, leading to social mobility and eventual richness down the generations. This isn’t too different from how men have controlled women, previously by force, and now by the lure of good looks, big boobs, tight ass, shaved vagina, waxed legs, perfectly-done eyebrows, earrings, nose-rings, big bags, high heels, tube tops, low necklines.

Let’s leave the women for later and come back to controlling the poor through hope. Hope is often considered a necessary evil. It isn’t. It is either necessary or evil, but never both at the same time – necessary for the rich, and evil for the poor. Hope is necessary for the rich to maintain society’s status quo. Hope is evil for the poor because it is a mirage that the poor die chasing, exactly what the likes of Paul Krugman want them to do as they draw six-figure Dollar salaries for researching and writing op-eds about inequality. Hope is Huxley's dystopia brought alive. Hope is the carrot that those on the right side of inequality dangle just high enough to keep those on the wrong side jumping up perpetually without realising how shitty their lives are. Of course, time and again, the carrot is lowered just enough to let a few grab it. That serves a purpose too – of making hope realistic, and making those unsuccessful jumps permanent and all-captivating.

On the nature of Happiness

Happiness, the indisputable goal of human existence. Happiness, the end goal of every human being’s actions.

But, is happiness really all that important? In a recent gathering of friends, everyone except me seemed to agree, to the point that the idea that happiness could be overrated was not open to debate. Not willing to ruffle the tranquility of the gathering, I turned inward and introspected - had happiness been the end goal of all my actions so far?

The question turned out more intricate than I’d thought. Before I could answer it to myself, perhaps for the first time I had to stop and think about the meaning of “happiness”. Of course, we all know it’s a good feeling. At the surface, all actions that I undertake are either for the sake of survival or for the sake of happiness. If I buy veggies, it’s because I need it to live. If I write and run – two of my favourite activities presently – I do get a good feeling at the end of each. That should settle the debate in favour of happiness, right? Nope. Not that simple. The enquiry about happiness has more layers to peel.

As one of the friends in the gathering pointed out, he derived the most happiness from human relationships – from actions such as taking a long drive in a slightly inebriated state with a bunch of friends. Sure, friends make me happy too. But if that good feeling can be derived from such simplistic actions that require nil effort, why do I write and run? After all, both of these activities require considerable heartburn, frustration, and sheer mental and/or physical exhaustion, before the good feeling can be felt.

Writing and running is easy. Why would one perform the unthinkably painful act of summiting Mount Everest, when the same good feeling can be derived from being a couch potato? Or, why would one build Google and Microsoft, when going on a drive with friends suffices? To me, the answer boils down to just one thing – not all happiness is equal. Such a ‘higher form’ of happiness, often derived from goal-setting, toil and accomplishment, is what Aristotle called “Eudaimonia”. Like all things precious, Eudaimonia is exacting and often downright nonsensical to those who don’t strive for it. On the other hand, the ‘lower form’ of happiness is akin to a stroll in the park – easy and devoid of the need for any enterprise, bang in the centre of one’s comfort zone.

I realise I come off pretty judgemental right now, trying to distinguish between the degree and sources of happiness for individuals. But here’s what convinces me of my argument – the gathering unanimously agreed that rarity was the currency that gave activities such as a booze-laced evening with friends its value. Too much of it, and it would get boring.

Fairness creams are fair game

Only Bill Burr can do complete justice to this topic, but I’ll take a shot.

An article in today’s IE (http://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/attack-on-africans-ban-on-fairness-advertisements-unfair-and-unlovely-2831346/) pointedly highlights the vicious anti-dark skin prejudice in India. Indeed, that’s true. Mindless beating up of Africans, bullying of dark-skinned kids, preference for fair people in jobs etc. are all reminders of the dark skin-phobia a lot of Indians so dearly nurture in their heart.

But of course, just like racism itself, no admonishment of it is untouched by the obnoxious PC culture – the kind that compels idiots to use the dark thumbs-up smiley on WhatsApp. Inevitably, such articles veer into conflating personal preferences with institutional racism. How is a preference for fair-skinned love interests or life partners any different from that for tall, able-bodied, wealthy, and educated ones?

As an individual, it is my indisputable right to choose who I want to talk to, my friends, and life/love partners as per my preferences. Racism starts where the boundary between personal and public is overstepped, such as in case of discrimination in jobs, and bullying someone for being dark-skinned, since they’re dastardly ways of inflicting personal preferences on another.

If preference for fair skin is such a social evil, why shouldn’t preference for dark hair be? Or for that matter, bigger boobs? And oh, what about the latest fad in town – abs? How unfortunate are those parts of human anatomy that haven't yet had an -ism started under their name. Do I sniff discrimination, PC warriors? So yeah, let’s have hairism, boobism, absism, and what-have-you-ism. But let’s start with the lowest hanging fruit – the proudly brandished about “TDH”. Let’s rechristen it tallism,racism,lookism.

The article calls for a ban on fairness creams. I say, why? After all, what is entrepreneurship but a knack for knowing what people would pay for? It isn’t the State’s job to determine individual preferences, or to have a confidence-building ministry for those rendered diffident by their dark skin. Those who don’t like such creams are free to ignore them, it’s a matter of personal preference. Getting them banned would be, ironically, inflicting one’s preference on another - the root cause of all social evils. If fairness creams are banned, so should matrimonial advertisements and websites, and liposuction and body-enhancing supplements and surgeries. Best solution: stay clear of bans and let the individual decide.

Euro Trip

Quitting a well-paying and comfortable job to travel on one’s own expenses has held an almost romantic charm for me. Ever since reading about a few of these stories (Shivya Nath’s blog is a good example), I knew I would someday make good on this pledge to self.

That I did, in October last year, to tour Europe for a good 18 days. This post is a (not so) brief, overdue record of my experiences of the time. I hope it is helpful to those planning such trips. Of course, I’d be lying if I said this record does complete justice to either my experiences or the uninitiated readers’ attempts to accurately envision Europe.

It won’t be wrong to say that the best perk of travelling is self-discovery. If life is a dark room and one’s comfort zone is the window blocking the light of introspection, travelling is the wind blowing outside that incessantly pushes against the window, letting ever increasing trickles of light illuminate the darkness.

In that fashion, my latest sojourn put an end to the mental debate over whether or not I am truly a solo traveller. I love to go solo for 7-10 days. Beyond that, I’d much rather prefer to have (good) company. In fact, solo or not, I probably wouldn’t like to travel for more than a month at a stretch. No more ruing my career choice when I read about a travel writer. Much to my delight, I still can’t lose my bathroom paraphernalia - a 500ml bottle filled with water to the brim, and a bunch of wet wipes - whenever I’m outside India. More importantly, travelling abroad taught me, yet again, the indispensability of Indian food, and that the best Italian food in the world is made in India.

Itinerary and pointers

Mine was an 18-day trip, during which I visited Italy (4 cities, 10 days), Switzerland (daytrip from Italy), Germany (2 cities, 4 days), Denmark (1 city, 4 days) and Sweden (daytrip from Denmark).

My daytrips to Sweden and Switzerland were largely for the purpose of adding to the list of number of countries visited, a pursuit as noble as any.

Below is the detailed itinerary:

First stop, Rome, Oct 4 (Landed from Mumbai)

Second stop, Florence, Oct 7 (Reached by train)

Third stop, Venice, Oct 9 (Reached by train)

Fourth stop, Milan, Oct 11 (Reached by train)

Fifth stop, Munich, Oct 14 (Reached by plane)

Sixth stop, Copenhagen, Oct 18 (Reached by plane)

Oct 23 (Flew back to Delhi)

I have a lot to say, but if you just need to gloss over the bare minimum essentials needed to plan a trip, the brief version below will help. The longer version, which includes city-wise insights, would be of far more help.

TL;DR version

•  Getting Schengen Visa is a near-certainty, but it’s best to apply around 15 days before you fly. Strictly avoid agents. Go for German/French embassy.
• For money, don’t bother arranging for a travel card. Withdraw from European ATMs.
• For hostel bookings, www.booking.com is not a bad idea. But the best way would be to contact suitable hostels directly and negotiate.
• Don’t bother getting a Euro rail pass unless your trip is really long. Book rail tickets in advance.
• For flights, Easyjet is the best option.
• Avoid spending on water by carrying filling up bottles from the hostels.
•  Bus travel in Italy can be done for free
•  Avoid too many museums and historical sites. Europe is best experienced outdoors.
• Take pay-as-you-please guided tours of every city you go to
• Make sure you read up in advance about the sites you visit, and buy audio guides while touring them
• Climb to the highest point of every city. 

Longer version

Before getting there

The best thing about Europe before reaching the continent is the Schengen visa. You have to be a convicted terrorist to be denied one. I got mine within 2 working days, even though I applied barely a week before Oct 4, the day I was supposed to fly. Unfortunately, due to severe paucity of time, I hired an agent, and the experience has ensured that I never repeat the mistake. I would strongly recommend everyone to self-apply, preferably to German or French embassy.

As far as arranging for Euros goes, don’t bother getting a travel card beforehand unless you’re suspecting a large drop in Rupee’s value by the time you get there. The best strategy is to withdraw in bulk from ATMs in Europe, preferably those situated in closed spaces, for there’s plenty a watchful eye in the streets. In my experience, HDFC charged far less than ICICI did.

For hostel bookings, most people would go via intermediaries like www.booking.com. This particular website is good since there is no payment upfront, and you can cancel for free 48 hours or more before the booking begins.  Cancellation within 48 hours will attract charges, though.

A much better option is to look up suitable hostels (for those seeking cheaper accommodations, try camp sites), and contact those directly. This saves the commission the hostels have to pay to the intermediaries, and allows bargaining as well. Offer to pay in cash so that you can save on credit/debit card fee.

Although entirely a function of the traveller’s budget, 6/8 bed dorms are good because they are relatively cheap, and come with a separate bathroom. If you’re booking a mixed-sex dorm with ulterior motives, keep your hopes low.

Many must be conflicted over whether or not to buy a Euro rail pass. For anything under 6-7 weeks, the unequivocal answer is NO. It costs too much upfront, and you still end up paying full fare for a lot of trains. The best strategy is to book the train tickets as early as possible, which shaves off at least 20-30% from the usual prices. The downside, of course, is that it curtails flexibility. When you can’t avoid flights, go for EasyJet whenever possible. The service is good, and unlike Ryanair, it doesn’t land in the jungle. Keep in mind that they charge extra for check-in luggage, which is an added incentive to travel very light.

Non-Indians, especially white people, have a different (and lower) standard of “delicious” when it comes to food. I almost cried when the mouth-watering Domino’s pizza was reduced to a triangular heap of cheese with vaguely similar vegetables/meats unlovingly amassed over it. And oh, European McDonald’s outlets charge 20-25 cents for each sachet of ketchup! Really no harm carrying a bunch of your own if you plan to survive on the insipid burgers, still the best value-for-money food, all the more due to availability of free WiFi. A lot of money can be saved on water – each tiny bottle costs a full Euro – if you make sure you have a big bottle full of it each time you leave the hostel. There’s no harm avoiding the famed Italian Gelato. I’d any day prefer the thelewala Creambell over it.

At the risk of being judged, I must inform the readers that travelling by bus (except the airport shuttle), and sometimes even by train, in any part of Italy requires no tickets at all. During the 10 days of countless journeys within the country, I faced not one surprise inspection. The experience of other travellers suggests mine wasn’t unique. Not even the locals are too keen on buying tickets, so bloody Indians can certainly be forgiven.

Language problems are aplenty, especially in Italy, but certainly not insurmountable. Make sure you’re good at reading maps and always carry one.

While in Italy, you will face a torrent of Africans literally shoving useless souvenirs in your face to fleece you. Be firm in rejecting all such demands.

General sightseeing tips

Touring Europe is about endless achi khabrein and just one very buri khabar, so I’ll get the latter out of the way first: The fucking selfie-sticks.

While in Europe, and especially in Italy, you will face an avalanche of mostly Asian tourists proudly ganging up behind the most worthless, the most irritating, and the stupidest invention of mankind. God, as if the mobile front camera wasn’t enough. Make sure you practice enough Zen before landing in Italy. You will need plenty of it to not end up in jail for punching that pouting face.

Now, back to the good things. For most of us, a great part of visiting Europe is its history and richness in art and architecture. Europe IS the most artistically and architecturally astounding place on earth, and there can be no two ways about it. But let’s face it. Most of us don’t really care as much about art and architecture as we would like to tell ourselves and others. It doesn’t matter if painter/sculptor A made a brush stroke finer and deeper than painter/sculptor B. This self-awareness is crucial to determining which parts of a city you should visit, for the abundance of such places can easily consume all your time.  If you’re visiting a site known for its artistic beauty, make sure you read about it in detail beforehand. Irrespective of your knowledge, I can’t stress enough the importance of buying audio guides. Trust me, this is money well spent.

I would strongly recommend avoiding too many historical site/museum visits. For example, I found nothing amazing about Rome’s Pantheon, mostly because I knew nothing about it, and it paled in comparison to the jaw-dropping Vatican. Thankfully, it was free to visit. Realising my folly, I skipped the Uffizi Gallery in Florence, famous for Michelangelo’s David. Call me a philistine, but I had little interest in paying 23 Euros and waiting in a 2-hour queue to ogle at a dick frozen in time.

The limited time available is better spent outdoors, which offer great views and a better chance of meeting fellow travelers and locals. Europe is all about its Piazza, Platz, Torg, Via, Strasse, Gade. The ever elusive culture of any city, including Europe’s, is best experienced in these open spaces, where people mingle happily over wine, dance and dinner. The air of mirth, freedom and liberty about these places is infectious, and hard to find in India. 

Rome’s Piazza Navona is symbolic of such open spaces.  Even if you’re alone, get there around 7PM, sit down, observe the revelry around you, eavesdrop on the plans of English-speaking travellers to forsake their countries to settle in Italy, fall in love with that pretty young damsel dancing bare-feet on the cobble path, drop the pretence and tear up at the sight of that octogenarian couple ball-dancing to the mellifluous tune of the cello and the violin being played by a group of smiling homeless people. As I said before, Europe is all about its open spaces. Sites can be seen and captured, cultural experiences can be felt and relived. Choose wisely.

Another great strategy I followed was to climb to the highest point of every city I visited. Besides satiating my love for trekking, it offered breathtaking 360-degree views of the city. Below are photos from some such vantage points. The highest point also allows the traveller to observe a commonality across most European cities – its sloping red roofs.

The sloping red roofs

City-wise details

First stop: Rome

As was not entirely unexpected, the immigration officer at the Rome airport made me aware of my colour and nationality by asking me to draw all my debit, credit and ID cards, taking at least 5-6 minutes to let me into his country, as opposed to the precisely 30 seconds each it took the two white Americans ahead of me to clear the same hurdle.

The first thing every traveller must do is to get the 5 Euro ticket to the airport shuttle bus, which travels to various parts of the city. The airport is situated far away, and taking a cab would be akin to scoring an own goal.

If you’re staying in Rome for 2-3 days, which I did, and planning on visiting most sites, getting the 2-day or 3-day Roma pass is a good idea. It costs high upfront, but allows entry to most of the sites, which would otherwise require costly tickets. Some of the audio guides also come cheaper with the pass. Public transport costs are included, but as stated above, you can always take those for free.

Staying close to Roma Centrale station is a good bet, since Colosseum, Vittorio Emanuele II (a grand monument that can be visited for free) are within walking distance, and a bus would take you straight to Piazza Navona (already strongly recommended above) and Vatican, two of the three best places in Rome, the third being Janiculum Hill. Don’t succumb to the temptation of taking the 7-Euro elevator at Vittorio Emanuele II, since Janiculum Hill is perched high enough to offer the same scenery for free. The Hill isn’t far from the Vatican, but can be slightly tricky to find. It’s an amazing short trek, and offers some of the best views of Rome. Besides these, Spanish Steps, Big Mama (a live jazz bar) and Villa Borghese are also worth visiting.

From Janiculum Hill

The curious bit about Rome is its veritable Bangladeshi population. There are not less than 1.3 lakh of those in this relatively small city. Most of them earn their living working menial jobs, the most curious of which is flying cheap plastic toy planes at tourist spots. Most of them are always up for a chat, and can speak at least broken Hindi, so you know where to go when you crave some good old “aur bhai kya haal chaal?”

To me, the famous Colosseum and the ruins around it felt underwhelming. But I won’t say you shouldn’t go there, since it gives you bragging rights every time Gladiator is being screened. Again, make sure you are thorough with its history, and are carrying an audio guide. Avoid men in gladiatorial attire calling for photos, for you will be paying not less than 5 Euros.

Roman ruins from Palatine Hill

For the Vatican, booking the 20 Euro ticket to the museum in advance is the only way to avoiding the serpentine queue. Please, please buy the audio guide, and keep interacting with the guards present at every step of the way. Inside Sistine Chapel, ask for the window from where the pope-declaring smoke emanates. Do your best to ignore that Asian traveller who turns to face all 4 directions one by one with the selfie-stick in her hand.

From top of St. Peter's Basilica

Second stop: Florence

Like Venice, the city has two distinct parts – old and modern. Accommodation is expensive and hard to find in the old city where all the charm lies, so I stayed in a hostel in the modern part. Buses ply all day and take only a few minutes to reach the old city.

Despite the hype, Florence was the most underwhelming stop of my trip. Part of it was because of my limited interest in art (as mentioned above, I skipped Uffizi without thinking twice).  Besides that, Ponte Vecchio and others next to it just did not seem as scintillating (could be a different story if you manage to boat in the river, which is permissible). Another contributing reason was the sudden and excruciating pain in my right foot – it magically disappeared the next day and never came back - that didn’t allow me to explore fully its narrow alleys. That said, I really enjoyed the bird’s eye view from the top of the Duomo, and trekking up to Piazza Michelangelo, the highest natural point in the tiny city. The whole of Florence is walkable in just a few hours. I did not get to witness the old city in its evening glory. I think it would be a good idea to make sure you do that if you make a stop here.

View of Florence from Duomo

Third stop: Venice

Ah, what do I say about Venice? Can words ever do justice to this most beautiful creation of mankind? Even if you’re alone in this epically romantic city, the romanticism in its air will always accompany you like a loving phantom.

After visiting Venice, I wonder how its name evokes nods of disapproval in some. Maybe they visited it during the peak tourist season, which can be painfully crowded. To appreciate it fully, it is critical to know about why and how it was founded, its fish-shaped structure, and why you should strictly avoid contact with the mesmerising waters (they’re used as sewage). Take a pay-as-you-please tour before starting off. For accommodation, few would have the money to stay in the old city, so choose some place (look out for camp sites, too) in the modern town and take a bus.

Campanile, the highest point in Venice, is a must visit. So is Doge’s Palace, the seemingly inescapable prison that Casanova broke out of. Hiring a gondola is exorbitant, so most would have to settle for the vaporetto (motor boat). Make sure you visit the islands of Murano, Burano and Torcello.

View of Venice from Campanile

The multi-coloured island of Burano

All great cities of the world prove faithful companions in life, providing happiness, opportunities, love, and everything else one could ask for. A visit to San Michele (cemetery island) tells you that Venice will prove to be faithful in eternal death as well. Here, thousands of dead lie in serene graves in a place cut off from land, accessible only by boat. I was fortunate to have a long conversation with a widow who had been visiting her husband’s grave every day for the past 30 years. Moments like these stay forever.

Graves in San Michele

Venice is perfect for all momentous occasions in one’s life: sabbatical, marriage, honeymoon, and getting buried. No matter how hard I try, words can’t fully convey my love for the city. Just go there and figure out for yourself.

Fourth stop: Milan

Milan is not the characteristic destination for my kind of traveller. I have zilch interest in anything related to fashion. But I planned to use it as a base for two daytrips: one to Cinque Terre, and the other to Lake Como. Sadly, only the latter came through. On both days the weather wasn’t suitable for the long trek up Cinque Terre, probably the only regret I have about the trip. The silver lining is that I will go back to complete this trek someday, and I would strongly recommend this to everyone else.

Lake Como is just jaw-dropping. It’s a small town with a beautiful lake in the valley formed by high hills all around. The place houses some of the most famous villas on the planet, including one belonging to George Clooney. A friend later informed me that Lake Como was also used to shoot one of the Star Wars movies.

My daytrip to Lake Como also included spending about 3-4 hours in the Swiss town of Lugano (thanks, Schengen visa). The latter pales in comparison to Como. In case you’re not as desperate as I was for a +1 to my list of countries visited, avoid Lugano and spend the whole day in Como. In fact, this place is such a paradise that it deserves much more than a daytrip. It involves a lot of walking/trekking, and a semi-adventurous train ride up the mountain, so gear up accordingly.

The steep train in Lake Como

View of Como from the top of the ropeway

There’s plenty to see even within Milan. The Milan Cathedral, built over seven centuries, is one of the most awe-inspiring constructions in Europe, both from within and outside. I loved taking a long stroll in the gargantuan Parco Sempione. This website provides some worthy recommendations. If you’re an Indian tourist in Milan, do pay a visit to Aangan, for the Punjabi restaurant offers authentic Indian delicacies that made me cry after a 10-day hiatus from Indian food.

Fifth stop: Munich

It won’t be a leap to say that the bordering countries of Italy and Germany are two different worlds. Except the cost of living, Italy would feel much more homely to Indians – warm weather, road rage, small cars, unpunctual public transport, narrow and dirty streets. Contrast that with Germany’s sparkling clean surroundings, big cars, unnervingly punctual public transport, orderly traffic, and most significantly, a 10 degree drop in temperature, and the unsuspecting Indian tourist, almost beginning to feel comfortable in Europe, is thrown into chaos. On the bright side, Germans are far better at English than Italians.

I used Munich as the base for two daytrips: one to Neuschwanstein Castle (Disney castle), and the other to Nuremburg.

The day I travelled to Neuschwanstein was also the only time I encountered snow during my trip. It’s a slightly long ride to the Castle, so starting out early is recommended. It’s a beautiful corner of the German countryside, and if the weather remains clear, there’s amazing scenery all around. Most would neglect what I am about to say next: skip the guided tour to the interiors of the castle. They’re underwhelming, and the tour involves a long queue and costs 12 Euros. Instead, spend this time outdoors and complete the two-hour walk around lake Alpsee. The walk offers such sights that the day, which had till then been almost disappointing due to the hazy weather and the underwhelming interiors, turned out to be one of the best of the trip.

While walking around Alpsee

Europe's multicoloured leaves are a visual treat

I contributed a Rs.20 note to the local restaurant's collection. The recipient instantly recognised "Gandhi"

Do keep in mind that travelling between Munich and Neuschwanstein is tricky. Make sure you know which buses and trains to change.

The next day I had a choice between a daytrip to either Nuremburg or Salzburg. I chose the former because it involves a cheaper, shorter journey from Munich, and I just had to see whatever little remains of the Third Reich. Nuremburg is a quaint city, but don’t expect it to offer startling revelations about the Third Reich. The museum on history of Nazis is a good visit if you’re deeply curious but only partially informed about them. It didn’t add to my knowledge at all. Hardly anything remains of the famed Zeppelin Fields, but they do offer you a chance to tread in the footsteps of one of history’s great devils.

Hitler stood in this place 

In my view, choosing Salzburg (Mozart’s birthplace and home to arguably the world’s best ice caves) over Nuremburg would be a better option for most travellers.

Sixth stop: Copenhagen

The only reason I managed to visit the exorbitant and far-off Scandinavia is the presence of Neha and Sunil, my sister and jija, in Copenhagen. Besides the sheer joy of meeting them, my happiness was compounded by the offering of delicious chole and a warm bed to sleep in. If you guys are reading this, thanks both of you :’)

With Neha and Sunil

Notwithstanding the awesomeness of the trip, skipping Amsterdam had been playing on my mind every second of my travels till then. But Freetown Christiania, a “You are now leaving EU” hippie hamlet in Copenhagen with its own flag, laws and freedom to sell weed, put an end to any such regrets. Christiania has an interesting history, one which needs to be told to the increasingly jingoist polity and electorate of most nations.

The three rules of Freetown Christiania

From inside Christiania

Till the early 1970s, Christiania was nothing but a bunch of abandoned military barracks, when some homeless buggers decided to occupy it, and soon demanded secession from Denmark. In almost any other nation, they’d have ended up with bullet-sized holes between their eyes. Not in this case. The unbelievably chilled out Danes almost completely agreed to their demands, letting the almost crime-free Christiania evolve into the real world sibling of the utopian world of Swarajya, devoid of the concept of nation-state, property, and imposed laws. Sure, Christiania has its fair share of problems, and has not been left untouched by the Danish government, but a place like this needs to be protected at all costs.

One of great attractions for anyone visiting Scandinavia is the Øresund bridge between Denmark and Sweden. Of course, crossing the bridge also lets you do a +1 to the list of countries visited. Both Denmark and Sweden have relatively bland gothic churches, which are a departure from their mind-bogglingly grandiose Italian counterparts, but are a sight to behold in their own right. Scandinavians also starkly differs from Italians (and Germans to a lesser extent) in their near-monochromatic choice of clothing and home interiors.

Lund University

Just a usual site in Copenhagen

To get a bird’s eye view of this beautiful city, climb up Church of Our Saviour. It’s slightly scary at the very top, and is well worth the admission price. Don’t miss the boat tour, and the amusement park Tivoli.

View from top of Church of Our Saviour

If you’re in Copenhagen for a longer period, use it as the base for daytrips to Sweden, Norway, and other cities in Denmark. Lund is next door, and slightly further away lie Gothenburg, Stockholm, Oslo, and Viking Museum in Roskilde.

Copenhagen also offers crucial lessons in acting against climate change. Except battery-powered cars, all others cars attract huge duties, which means even the richest folks don’t own personal vehicles. Public transport is good, and the city is a cyclist’s paradise.

A Book and a Movie

The Revenant and Into Thin Air (a written real account of one of the deadliest summits of Mount Everest), are a must-watch and a must-read, for the duo will make its viewers and readers appreciate the creature comforts that most of us inhabit, and have come to take for granted.

In a classic case of the grass being greener on the other side, the mere mention of mountains, snow, water bodies, forests, and a strong breeze is certain to evoke longing and smiles in those uninitiated to the book and the movie. Not so much after they’ve read the book and watched the movie, for both carry the disturbing knack of making their viewers and readers cower in terror of mother nature itself. Mountains turn into oxygen-thin death traps, forests into homes of killer bears, and the snow and breeze together forever remind one of flying boulders.

Both have mastered the one trait that makes any movie or book great - of compelling the viewer and the reader to not watch or read, but to experience, sometimes so much so that it seems like a 3D-induced reality. It’s hard to not buck Leonardo up while he froths at the mouth during his teeth-clenching attempt to extricate himself from his grave, or to not implore one of the characters in the book to turn back as he drags himself to the edge of a 3000-feet vertical fall in his cold-induced delirium.

Despite the horrors that both inflict on the unprepared viewers and readers, their beauty lies in giving them a hard choice between craving the horrors that lie ahead, and revisiting those they left behind. In that, they turn even the most sadistic viewers and readers masochistic.

All memorable movies and books leave us with something. These two leave us with an appreciation for those little, easily ignored and derided things in life: walking to the bathroom barefoot without having to worry about falling off a cliff, venturing out of home without the fear of a grizzly bear drilling a canine-long hole in the neck, walking ten steps without pausing to catch breath, breathing without an oxygen mask, being absolutely certain about the existence of what the eyes see, and not having to choose between one of the two friends' lives. Most importantly, they leave us with a near-death-experience while shielding us from having to undergo one firsthand - perhaps a near-NDE.